Gay dating does he like me

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“It means you act and represent yourself in the way society expects a man should behave,” said one guy who probably Googled the definition for me.

“Straight acting and well built” implies that there are distinct masc and femme body types, most notably muscles — a definition many female athletes would scoff at.“Guys expect me to be more rough or manly because of my ‘masculine’ signifiers such as facial and body hair.

But what they don’t tell you is that once you’re out of the closet, you’re out of the frying pan and into the fire, honey—because many gay men have the same hang-ups about masculinity as those spiteful boys from middle school.

The performance of masculinity dictates how some gay men communicate on gay hookup and dating apps: those who identify as “masc,” those who specifically seek out “MASC ONLY (no femme!!

They also expect me to be dominant, which isn’t to say that I can’t be, but I do get a lot of messages from guys who assume I’m a total top, and that is so not the case.

The other day, I was told by a co-worker that when I’m in meetings or giving presentations, my voice deepens. ), but I’m sure on some level, I’ve been programmed to think that I’ll be taken more seriously if I sound more masculine. There can be a similar phenomenon in dating:“When I show up for a hookup and a guy is masc, I sort of assume a masc posture—especially since I’m usually going to be topping, and the expectation of a top is normally that he is masculine.

When you’re a closeted gay boy, masculinity performance is one of the tools you use to survive.

For those who are unwilling or unable to maintain a facade, straight boys seize upon your feminine mannerisms and call your gender into question, teasing you until the way you act without thinking becomes something to be ashamed of.

I’ll modify my behavior, like consciously lowering my voice, because I assume that’s what’s sexy.” — Colin, 27The guy who told me about his “hypermasculine upbringing” described himself as a “man’s man.” He also asserted that he “loves a real man!

,” but stopped responding to me when I asked him what a fake man looks like.

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