On dating the cool girl

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And I realized very quickly that this less sanitized version of myself was not the type of "girl" these guys wanted to deal with.

One day, I was talking to a man who asked me what I was looking for relationship-wise. But this time, I told him that I wanted to find someone who was stoked about the possibility of building a real connection. Maybe it’s just this guy who wasn’t looking for a relationship.

So I carried on the charade, even after knowing full well what I was doing.

It was a seriously alienating time — one in which I completely lost myself.

"Some of them will grow out of it and realize they like girls like you," they assured me. In college, she’d down whiskey shots and discuss batting averages.

As I entered my 20s and began dating more, I recognized that this "girl" was the type of woman most dudes seemed to go ga-ga over.

Not off the bat, but the guys I want to be spending time with are those who aren’t too scared to allow something to develop naturally.

But this time, instead of being horrified, I felt totally fucking badass.

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When I shared my realization with my parents, they confirmed that, sure, a lot of little boys liked girls who could hang.

I met a guy at a bar who happened to be friends with some guys I knew in college.

We hit it off, went on a few dates, and then after about three weeks I got the text message I always seemed to get: one that appeared after two days of silence in which he asked to meet up because there were things he wanted to talk about. Not off the bat, but the guys I want to be spending time with are those who aren’t too scared to allow something to develop naturally.

From the time I was in elementary school, I was aware of the fact that there was a certain breed of woman that straight guys preferred: the Cool Girl.

I may not have known what to call her, but my fifth-grade self would sit on the swings during recess, in my dress I didn’t want to get dirty with butterfly clips in my hair, and check out the dynamics of the other girls and boys on the playground.

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